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Domestic Violence Against Men

Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors that include deliberate intimidation, verbal, physical, sexual, emotional or other abusive action towards an individual’s intimate partner to maintain power and control over the other person in the relationship. This type of violence knows no bounds or divides. It encompasses people in any community of all ages, races, genders, religions, and sexual orientations (Rakovec-Felser). Although women are more likely to be the victim of abuse one in seven men over the age of 18 has been the victim of domestic violence, and one in ten men has experienced rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Data from the National Crime Victimization Study between 2003 and 2012 show that men account for about 24 percent of domestic violence survivors. Domestic violence can occur between men and women, in either direction, with violence against women being more common (Douglas and Hines). What is worse than the statistics, however, is the fact that there has been little research in the area of domestic violence against men because neither the Justice Department nor any other agencies will fund such research (Kaur & Garg).

Men who experience domestic violence and abuse often neglect to seek help until the problem becomes a crisis. Domestic violence, from a male victim’s perspective, is something that is not discussed in society very much because information is very limited and incidents are often unreported. The violence toward men is often treated as less serious, due to the societal belief that men are physically stronger and should be able to subdue a female attacker. Most of the time, domestic violence against men only gets any attention when a celebrity is the victim of some kind of noteworthy physical harm, such as when Tiger Woods’ wife attacked him with a golf club or when Phil Hartman’s wife shot him as he slept. Even then, the violent acts are often perceived as isolated incidents and much of the public and private speculation presumes the man “did something to deserve it.” In both the Tiger Woods and Phil Hartman cases, the violent acts were caused, at least in part, by real or imagined accusations of infidelity, a common trigger for domestic violence (Schonrock and Sands). Since abuse toward men is treated as less serious, it limits the resources available for men to seek help. Why do men fail to report cases of domestic violence? Domestic violence against men goes unreported due to men’s fear appearing unmanly, shame, embarrassment, and a failure to live up to masculine ideals. The effect it has on their future relationships can damage a personal sense of self.

Domestic violence against men is not always easy to identify and men often face barriers when it comes to seeking help. A man may decide not to report violence by an intimate partner to law enforcement in fear of being labeled as unmanly. Research suggests male victims of domestic abuse are failing to report attacks for fear of being arrested themselves. Some men have reported that when they call the police during an incident in which their female partners are violent, the police sometimes fail to respond. Other men reported being ridiculed by the police or being incorrectly arrested as the primary aggressor. Women who do the abusing may have a greater ability to use the “system” to their advantage. “Systemic abuse can occur when a woman who is abusing her husband or boyfriend threatens that he will never see his children again if he leaves or reports the abuse” (Cook). When the police do arrive, the man may have a more serious injury, but when interviewed separately, the man will state the female started it and the man will end up arrested.

A man may feel great shame or embarrassment that he has been abused. The embarrassment he feels may decrease his feeling of masculinity. According to society and media, men are not real men if they are not able take the abuse. A man may feel so ashamed that he may refuse to acknowledge the abuse because he may be in fear that if he does report the abuse, it will make the situation “real.” Stereotypes of masculinity can have a negative effect on young boys and men because they can stigmatize normal human emotions, and if a man feels stigmatized about what’s happening to him, it’s very likely they might not want to report the abuse or talk about ways of dealing with it and their emotions. Men who are abused by women often suffer in silence. In addition to the shame, men must overcome gender stereotypes.

The abuser will use many forms of abuse in an attempt to dominate or control their partner, from acts of physical or sexual violence to threats, economic deprivation, and emotional insults. There is not just one type of violence that domestic violence encompasses. Likewise, the frequency of abuse can be sporadic or chronic. All domestic situations are not the same and therefore cannot be treated identically.  Domestic violence will often follow a pattern, or cycle, that repeats itself until the victim can get help and break the cycle of abuse. According to Collett and Bennett, the cycle occurs in four phases but the length of each phase can vary. As time goes on, the cycle will become shorter while the occurrences can become more intense and more violent. The first of the four phases is the tension-building phase. This phase has the victim feeling apprehensive of the abusive partner’s behavior. The victim is afraid of what will happen next and therefore feels as though they must walk on eggshells around them. During this phase the victim will avoid any triggers that may provoke an episode of abuse. This may include avoiding the discussion of certain topics or watching their tone of voice as to not initiate any conflict. Next is the incident/explosion phase, which is where the abuser will inherently become violent regardless of what the victim had previously tried to avoid. The abuse may include yelling, threatening, hitting in any way, rape, or any characteristic of emotional, psychological, physical, or economic abuse. The third phase is the reconciliation phase, where the abuser follows up the abuse with an apology of sorts. It is common for the abuser to apologize but not take blame by placing the blame on any number of outside situations. The abuser might make promises that the abuse will never happen again. There are also incidents during this phase where the abuser will threaten to inflict self-harm as to gain empathy from the victim. Finally, the last phase is the honeymoon phase. It is during this phase that victims feel the most hope because their partner is exhibiting behaviors that reinforce love and affection. It is common for this phase to cause victims to think everything will be alright, or they believe maybe their partner changed, or that they should stay because their partner loves them.

Breaking the cycle of abuse might be a difficult task for many. The constant apologies and guilt from your partner can make it extremely tough to sever things and go your separate ways. Even though she has apologized so many times, made a really romantic dinner and even wrote a beautiful love poem. The man may think there is no way she would hurt him again. But sure enough, she will go through the same motions, bringing the cycle of violence full circle. The longer you stay in this dangerous abusive relationship, the more violent she will become and the tougher it will be for him to end things. When the decision is made to end the relationship seeking professional assistance may help with the tools needed to move on, breaking the cycle of abuse.

Due to the lack of adequate resources for the male victims makes it next to impossible to adequately and effectively help a male victim of domestic violence. Although there are resources out there, they are few and far between. Treatment for the victim will consist of providing educational information about domestic violence, assisting the victim in making a safety plan, getting police intervention, and giving the victim resource and referral information (Warshaw et al.). As a trusted face to the victim it is also important to explain to them that the violence is not their fault, no one deserves to be treated this way, they are not alone, and remind the victim that there is assistance available. According to Saxena and Kumari, victims are shown to recover relatively quickly if they have adequate access to resources and support.

Domestic violence survivors can face ongoing and challenging effects after enduring physical, mental, and emotional abuse. When men are able to reach out for help, they may be looking for validation or confirmation they are actually victims. It can take time for a survivor to adjust to living in a safe environment, especially if the abuser was severely violent and/or committed the actions over an extended period of time. On the journey to recovery, survivors and those who support them should understand that healing takes time. The effects of this trauma can vary widely from person to person due to individuals’ responses to stress, age, and the frequency and severity of abuse.

The effects of domestic violence on its victims does not stop once the abuse is over. It has bearing on every aspect of the victims life, including long term health issues. With the appropriate intervention and treatment, it is entirely possible an individual in a domestic violence situation can get the help they need to leave an awful situation and go on to lead a healthy and happy life, as a survivor. When it comes to domestic violence against men and the effect it has on relationships, there can be some symmetry between it and domestic violence against women. Some statisticians claim that women and men are victimized by domestic violence in roughly equal numbers. There are more than 100 empirical studies or reports that suggest the rates of domestic violence are equivalent. Whereas asymmetry between domestic violence against men and against women, psychological damage is slow to heal and its pain touches the soul. Some men struggle to disclose abuse in fear of not being believed.

Works Cited

Collett, D., & Bennett, T. (2015). Putting intimate partner violence on your radar. Journal of the

American Academy of Physician Assistants, 28(10), 24-28.

Cook, Philip W. Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence. Praeger Publishers, 2009.

Douglas, Emily M, and Denise A Hines. “The Helpseeking Experiences of Men Who Sustain

Intimate Partner Violence: An Overlooked Population and Implications for Practice.” Journal of Family Violence, U.S. National Library of Medicine, Aug. 2011, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3175099/

Elizabeth, et al. “Men: The Overlooked Victims of Domestic Violence.” Domestic Violence

Statistics, 1 Feb. 2018, https://domesticviolencestatistics.org/men-the-overlooked-victims-of-domestic-violence/

“Intimate Partner Violence, Sexual Violence, and Stalking Among Men |Violence Prevention

InjuryCenter CDC.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 25 Oct. 2018, www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/datasources/nisvs/men-ipvsvandstalking.html.

Kaur, Ravneet, and Suneela Garg. “Addressing domestic violence against women: an unfinished

agenda.” Indian journal of community medicine: official publication of Indian Association of Preventive & Social Medicine vol. 33,2 (2008): 73-6. doi:10.4103/0970-0218.40871

Keeling, June, and Tom Mason. Domestic Violence : A Multi-professional Approach For Health

Professionals, McGraw-Hill Education, 2008. ProQuest Ebook Central, https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/ivytech/detail.action?docID=361581.

Mathias, Tamara. “Male Victims of Domestic Violence Struggle to Disclose Abuse.” Reuters, Thomson Reuters, 17 July 2019, www.reuters.com/article/us-health-domestic-violence-men-idUSKCN1UC2EF.

Rakovec-Felser, Zlatka. “Domestic Violence and Abuse in Intimate Relationship from Public Health Perspective.” Health Psychology Research, PAGEPress Publications, Pavia, Italy, 22 Oct. 2014, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4768593/.

Schonrock, Jim, and Sean Sands. “Domestic Violence Against Men.” Findlaw, 15 Oct. 2018, www.family.findlaw.com/domestic-violence/domestic-violence-against-men.html.

Warshaw, C., Sullivan, C. M. & Rivera, E. A. (2013). A systematic review of trauma-focused

interventions for domestic violence survivors. National Center on Domestic Violence,

Trauma & Mental Health. Retrieved from http://www.nationalcenterdvtraumamh.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/NCDVTMH_EBPLitReview2013.pdf